26:7 Like a lame man’s legs that hang limp is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.

26:17 Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.

26:24-26 A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart. His malice may be concealed by ...]]> 26:4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.

26:7 Like a lame man’s legs that hang limp is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.

26:17 Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.

26:24-26 A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart. His malice may be concealed by deception, but his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.

27:2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.

It was a difficult year for LilPickle. There were ups and downs, fast and slow, excitement ...]]> It’s hard to believe it’s been another year for amplizine. I’m curious if anything will ever come of it. God knows I want to find more time for it, but I would probably be lying if I said this year will be better. For now, I just want to recap the previous year and leave you with a little something else: hope. I know, right? From this pessimistic schmuck?

It was a difficult year for LilPickle. There were ups and downs, fast and slow, excitement and anguish. I was screwed over by the same people who blessed me. I settled in with a career and living like an adult. I even learned a thing or two about women. There are so many moments to remember… and it’s sad I’ll prolly forget a lot of them. Perhaps at the time, I would’ve been glad to get rid of the worst of it… maybe just sleep the week away. I even considered moving to escape the shit. But where would I be if they were taken away? What if the last year never happened so that I would be exactly as I was before?

2008-2009 was about growing for me. Mistakes are a part of learning, of course… I won’t bore you with crap you’ve heard before. What I want to share with you is the the forgotten part of the story of Pandora’s Box in Greek mythology. Just like Eve, Pandora ever so woman-like ruined it for us all. Sure, she unleashed all the evil and sickness on Earth when she peeked in the box–but don’t forget that she also found Hope jammed in there too. Hey that reminds me of the joke what’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?

I’m not arguing that it was somehow worth it to open the box to find Hope, paralleling it to the story of my past year… just that at least we still have hope. Time to pick myself up and keep moving. And it’s time for me to say something that I don’t say often enough: “Fuck that noise.” I once had a good friend who taught me a great deal of the process of fucking noises… you know what I mean. I learned my lessons and now I know better. There’s no sense in beating myself up over the crap, and I can’t expect I’ll never be disappointed again.

So I hold on to the hope that I’ll find the woman of my dreams, and she will be worth the wait. I hope that I’ll continue to be blessed by God in my well-being. I hope that my Android projects will be fruitful. I hope that I’ll find more time for amplizine. I hope that my Nova will ever return to vehicle status.

This ...]]> Well, I’m back from Cancun.  Didn’t even tell anyone I was leaving.  It makes the wait easier.  But I’m back now, and I’ll be posting about that whole experience soon enough.  But for now, I just wanted to bring to your attention a commentary I read on CNN today by Glenn Beck.  If you’ve never heard his radio program or seen his show, I’d recommend it.  He occasionally comes off sounding like a dufus, but hey… you don’t mind cuz you’re reading this site still.

This commentary expresses what I feel so well that I see no point in trying to reiterate it.  I just wish I would’ve known of the quote from George Washington beforehand.  How did we lose this kind of awesome power of speaking?

“The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge, natural to party dissension, which in different ages and countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism. But this leads at length to a more formal and permanent despotism. The disorders and miseries which result gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual; and sooner or later the chief of some prevailing faction, more able or more fortunate than his competitors, turns this disposition to the purposes of his own elevation, on the ruins of public liberty.”

What is the purpose of government?  Or perhaps I should ask what did our country’s founding fathers believe the purpose of government was, and is it still relevant?

Remembering my high school social studies classes, I think a safe answer is “To protect the rights of its people.”  Notice the absence of “and provide for its people too.”  And in a free country I can’t see how protecting individual rights could ever become irrelevant.

So why not provide for its people too?

You have certain inalienable rights.  Is it your right to have a home?  Is it your right to be rich?  Is it your right to have the government kiss-it-better when you’re the one that ran your company into the ground?  It is not the government’s business doing any of that, and frankly I’d be scared if it was.  Because where would it end?  Government living quarters.  Official food and clothes.  The Peoples’ Money.  Suspicion.  Segregation.  Restricted books.  Curfews.  Detention centers.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  That was the idea.  That you would not be prevented from doing what you need to make yourself happy.  It does not mean it should be given if things didn’t quite work out for you.

Suggested viewing:  V for Vendetta, 1984

Suggested reading: 1984 by George Orwell, The End of America by Naomi Wolf, Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, Apocalypse 2012 by Lawrence E. Joseph

So ...]]> One of my most common distractions keeping me from working on this website is my old rust bucket 1969 Chevy Nova.  Oh, how I love her.  All the amazing and silly ideas I have for fixing it up.  I want to do so much for it… I wish someone could just pay me to work on it all day and do all this crazy stuff.  In my head, it’s like an episode of Overhaulin’ except there’s no Chip Foose in my dad’s garage–and I don’t always know what I’m doing.

So I’m posting some pics of my latest tinkering.  This time, I really want to do everything proper:  permanently beautify it up, if you will.  I have a long road ahead, but that’s okay because I’m gonna need time to afford all of the plans.  By the way, anyone want to buy a complete Chevy 250 inline 6, progressive 2 barrel carburetor, HEI ignition, power steering pump, with a 2-speed Powerglide transmission?  $Tree-fitty!  I’ll even throw in the radiator.  Now that’s a bargain!

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

Well, they had to start somewhere too.

Welcome all to the new site. We’re still working out a lot of issues and planning type stuff. For instance, what the hell makes amplizine special?

Still researching that.

Oh that reminds me. I’m going to get some reviews back on the site soon. Yes! You too can read our old reviews of movies and games that people no longer care about. Hey, at least it’s more exciting ...]]>

Well, they had to start somewhere too.

Welcome all to the new site. We’re still working out a lot of issues and planning type stuff. For instance, what the hell makes amplizine special?

Still researching that.

Oh that reminds me. I’m going to get some reviews back on the site soon. Yes! You too can read our old reviews of movies and games that people no longer care about. Hey, at least it’s more exciting than checking your email one last time before bed.

Red Orchestra is dear to me. That’s because X-play’s review of this game actually aroused me. But that’s only (I swear) because Morgan is so hot when she’s angry–and boy was she hot. So when the free trial from steam came a knocking, I thought I’d at least give it a try. I’ve taken some time before starting this review though because I needed recovery time ...]]> I will always heart Morgan Webb and want to hump her leg, but X-play’s review of Red Orchestra is off target.

Red Orchestra is dear to me. That’s because X-play’s review of this game actually aroused me. But that’s only (I swear) because Morgan is so hot when she’s angry–and boy was she hot. So when the free trial from steam came a knocking, I thought I’d at least give it a try. I’ve taken some time before starting this review though because I needed recovery time from all the previous WWII games I’ve just finished playing.

World War II with a Twist

Red Orchestra Ostfront 41-45 is just that: the side of the war between the Russians and Nazis. That idea alone is a refreshing change to the genre. Who wants to do Omaha beach again? Instead you’ll be pitted against the world’s players online in battles that only Pookie-the-history-major has ever heard of. But it’s not all the same stuff over and over again. The many battles provide a nice variety of game styles ranging from armor battles to tight, narrow, guns-blazing city fights to open farmland struggles for the barn. Livestock deserve freedom from Nazi rule, too.

For those that haven’t seen the X-play review, the catch is definitely the realism factor. There is not a single HUD crosshair in sight, reloading takes anywhere from 4 seconds to 20 seconds, there is no indicator telling how many bullets are left in your clip, and the Russians really do stink to high heaven. I can’t thank the developers enough for getting Morgan so flustered with the lack of balance between fun and realism.♥♥♥

Shaken and on the Rocks

The only real drawback to this game is the learning curve. Imagine learning a flight simulator that doesn’t come with tutorials or a flight instructor. Sadly, that learning curve is a huge turn-off. For most freakin’ n00bs, it takes them 20 minutes just to figure out what their teammates look like. The next obstacle to overcome is realizing the default controls are shit. When you have to stop moving to reach across the keyboard and hit “i” just to look down the sights, you generally won’t survive to pull the trigger. With comfortably defined controls though, the pace picks up and creates some of the most intense moments in online gaming EVER. The attractive thing about going for realism is the intensity doesn’t have to be faked.

The last bit to learn on your way of becoming pro is that you need to work as a team. Though there’ll always be the camping sniper, there’ll always be the idiot that can’t find his way out of the spawn, and there’ll always be the Leroy Jenkins, you need a decent team to get anywhere. VoIP is great, as with any Steam game, and should be used to avoid friendly fire and coordinate attacks. Further, there is no radar showing friendly locations, just a crude map that only shows general landmarks (and of course you have to reach all the way across the keyboard to open this map by default).

Naked Pirates and Bearded Clams

So with lack of “fun,” steep learning curve, and idiot team, there has to be some saving grace, right? I was ready to give up on this game and declare it even worse than Battlefield 2 *ooh, burn and zing*, but then I played a tank centric battle and was instantly hooked. Exhilarating is the only word to describe the experience. Even if the tank shells ricochet more than statistics would show, nothing is more fun than totally owning an entire squadron of enemy tanks. The limits that realism places on your ability to survey the battlefield or to completely ninja somebody is the reason most people won’t like this game at first glance, but this is also the reason true strategists will love this game. And I don’t want to make Morgan to look bad, but X-play’s review of this game is way off. Once you realize how intense this game can be, you become much more open to having fun while playing it–no matter how the realism gets in the way. This is because you soon discover maps such as KonigsPlatz or guns such as the STG. And there is a wonderful balance between on-foot combat and tank combat that Battlefield 2 only wishes it could attain. So after looking beyond the interface problem, this is one of the best experiences for multiplayer shooters.

Last Call

I wouldn’t go as far to say that this is a niche market game because everyone loves a fun game–it just takes some patience and a reworking of the default controls. Once you’ve learned the intricacies of it though, it makes for a wonderful time. Looking through the scope of one of these sniper rifles to stop an entire wave of enemies short of their goal is fun and functional, especially if one of them is cocky and thinks he’s safe looking through is little viewport on his tank. Or if you still don’t find it entertaining, take a few shots of Russian vodka before taking shots at the Nazis like I did for this review… you’ll definitely be having fun then. Red Orchestra Ostfront 41-25 verges on a four, but due to the high learning curve, I can only give it 3 Nazi-killing-shots-of-vodka out of 5.

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

Kick the tires and light the fires! It’s time for speed!

Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, we thank you for Will Ferrell, the nasty, sexy-hot sport of NASCAR, and Walker Texas Ranger (or T.R. as we like to call him). Please bless this review and thanks for making America the most kick-ass nation on the planet. Oh and due to contractual obligations during grace, I’d also like to pray for Powerade and a successful release of their new flavor. Amen.

…Yeah right, like our reviews have ever been ...]]>

Kick the tires and light the fires! It’s time for speed!

Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, we thank you for Will Ferrell, the nasty, sexy-hot sport of NASCAR, and Walker Texas Ranger (or T.R. as we like to call him). Please bless this review and thanks for making America the most kick-ass nation on the planet. Oh and due to contractual obligations during grace, I’d also like to pray for Powerade and a successful release of their new flavor. Amen.

…Yeah right, like our reviews have ever been graced by anything other than an insult from our readers.

Momma, I’m going fast!

Ricky Bobby, the man who could only count to one, not only was born for speed but he was born at a hundred miles an hour in the back of a Chevelle. At the age of ten, his weed smoking vagrant father shows up for career day out of nowhere and gives Ricky the idea that, “If you aren’t first, you’re last.” This inspires Ricky and his best bud Cal to be race car drivers, but they don’t wind up exactly where they hoped. Being in the pit crew for the NASCAR team in dead last, Ricky is suddenly given the chance to shine as a driver and shocks everyone with a win. In an instant, their lives are turned around by fame and money, and soon Ricky and Cal are the top drivers in NASCAR. Ricky in his fame marries the sizzling-hot (Ow!) and gold-digging Carley, and they have two incredibly f*cked up kids: Walker and Texas Ranger. But because his #1 attitude and arrogance loses points for the team, the owner, Larry Dennit Jr., brings on the gay French “Formule Un” champion Jean Girard to win championships. Ricky, frustrated by being beaten off-track by the Frenchman, takes matters into his own hands during a race but ends up in a spectacular crash that leaves Ricky psychosomatic and traumatized. And to make things worse, his lifelong buddy Cal has stolen his job, wife, and home. But the broken and ruined Ricky Bobby realizes with help from his mother and returned father that he shouldn’t give up that easily. For the rest of the movie, Ricky learns the true meaning of being a family and rediscovers who he is–and Ricky Bobby is not a thinker, Ricky Bobby is a driver!

Psychosomatic? So what… he can start fires with his mind powers?

It’s been quite a while since I’ve personally seen a Will Ferrell flick on the silver screens; since Old School in fact. But if you’ve seen one of his movies, you can pretty much tell what kind of character he plays in any of them. I think it’s impossible for Will Ferrell to not play the buffoon. But thankfully for this movie, Ricky Bobby is the first character that naturally fits with Will’s one-track acting mind. Going into this one, I was afraid all the funny parts were run dry in the previews, but was pleasantly surprised by the number of laughs I got from the supporting actors. This has got to be Michael Clarke Duncan’s funniest role ever, and I would love to see him try for more. Will’s SNL co-star Molly Shannon was also a riot, even though all she had to do was be drunk and zany. John C. Reilly also has an amazing chemistry with Will; “Shake and Bake” might have something to do with it. But perhaps the funniest lines were from Walker and Texas Ranger (Houston Tumlin and Grayson Russell) as they changed from obnoxious brats into Sunday school goers that even compliment the food at Applebee’s.

Was that Elvis Costello and Mos Def?

The movie lacks coherence big time. It feels like things were left on the cutting room floors or just plain never made it into the script. Like Ricky’s newly discovered true love Susan (what some might consider an important role) only gets a few lines when she deserves much more. It also seems to contradict Ricky’s new outlook by yet again focusing only on himself. Plus, Ricky’s relationships with a number of characters seem unresolved by the end. What the hell is up with Chip? Was he just there for Walker and Texas Ranger to torment? I know it’s a comedy and certainly not a tear jerker, but coherence isn’t something to be tossed around like a Tom Cruise joke.

So Will Ferrell finally makes his acting and comedy style work together for a part, and NASCAR is finally parodied. Who could ask for anything more? It is definitely good for some laughs and is a nice summer flick, but don’t expect it to win any awards–and we here at amplizine hand out awards as fast as we hand over the booze money to the cashier. I’d even go as far to say we’re the award sluts of the critics’ world. That’s why I give Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby 3 stars, and if you’re not first, you’re last.

Amplizine Awards

• NASCAR Movie of the Year

Only the dead have seen the end of war. The game industry hasn’t even been looking for the end. We will always have an abundant supply of war games. This time around, it is yet another World War II game: Call of Duty. Is this the game to end all other WWII games? Well, it’s definitely a great game, but no one can stop the war machine from chugging along.

Join the Army, See the World, Meet ...]]> More war at amplizine. We just can’t escape it.

Only the dead have seen the end of war. The game industry hasn’t even been looking for the end. We will always have an abundant supply of war games. This time around, it is yet another World War II game: Call of Duty. Is this the game to end all other WWII games? Well, it’s definitely a great game, but no one can stop the war machine from chugging along.

Join the Army, See the World, Meet Interesting People, Kill Them

You play as a number of soldiers in the Allied armies, fighting the forces of evil in the European theater. Prepare for missions through dangerous enemy territory taking out artillery, nabbing secret documents, infiltrating Nazi warships, defending Stalingrad, and racing for Berlin. I so get tired of repeating this stuff. How can you not know what a World War II game is about? Ever try reading a history book? You know… those things with sheets of paper in them?

Well, it’s no longer the most unique storyline, but that won’t keep you from having a good time in this shooter. Gameplay is so well balanced that you never get tired of doing what you are doing–you don’t just run from point to point shooting everything that moves. One moment, you’ll be making your way through war-torn houses, and then you soon find yourself under fire crawling through trenches. Just when that starts to seem a little drab, the game stays on top of it and changes to something new. This makes a game chocked full of memorable moments such as the car chase or your escape through the bulkheads and passageways of the battleship–but that doesn’t mean it’s simply a collection of high-action moments thrown together. The progression of events and the way Call of Duty involves you in them is nearly flawless, and that alone raises the rating to high marks.

The Technology of War

The graphics and sound design, though they are showing their age these days, are well done but not stunning. It’s kind of unfair to compare Call of Duty to its sequel, but because of the timing of our reviews, it can’t be helped. The graphics, I have no problem with seeing as how technology changes so fast with regard to them, but the audio design I feel comfortable with pointing out. Compared to Call of Duty 2, the audio here sounds flat and not nearly as sophisticated. All too often the importance of audio design is overlooked, and these two games are great examples. Call of Duty doesn’t create the same kind of moving atmosphere that 2 tries for, and I believe it is solely because of the sound’s flatness. Thankfully, Call of Duty is such a great experience gameplay-wise that the lack of perfection in the audio design isn’t even a problem. I’d only have to punish the game if it thought it could get away with just beeps and boops. But there are some cool, big names for voice actors in this game, namely Jason Statham and Giovanni Ribisi. Bonus points for that.

Making Friends Through War

There is a rather decent multiplayer in Call of Duty as well. I honestly don’t play it, but from what I’ve seen, it is popular and fun enough for people to be playing it 3 years later. Plus, I’ve seen many entertaining battles on Arena when G4 was still concerned with video games, so it can’t be all bad. But just as with Call of Duty 2, I want to rate this game based solely on its singleplayer experience. The fun enough multiplayer is just a bonus.

Make the Other Bastard Die for His Country

If you somehow avoided the hundreds of WWII games that have come out since 1995 and suddenly gained an interest in the genre, then this is the place to start. It is a fully rounded and fun shooter that should only be missed if you’ve got a World War II game hangover. I have no problem rewarding Call of Duty with our highest marks and giving it a 5 out of 5.

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

12►