Red Orchestra is dear to me. That’s because X-play’s review of this game actually aroused me. But that’s only (I swear) because Morgan is so hot when she’s angry–and boy was she hot. So when the free trial from steam came a knocking, I thought I’d at least give it a try. I’ve taken some time before starting this review though because I needed recovery time ...]]> I will always heart Morgan Webb and want to hump her leg, but X-play’s review of Red Orchestra is off target.

Red Orchestra is dear to me. That’s because X-play’s review of this game actually aroused me. But that’s only (I swear) because Morgan is so hot when she’s angry–and boy was she hot. So when the free trial from steam came a knocking, I thought I’d at least give it a try. I’ve taken some time before starting this review though because I needed recovery time from all the previous WWII games I’ve just finished playing.

World War II with a Twist

Red Orchestra Ostfront 41-45 is just that: the side of the war between the Russians and Nazis. That idea alone is a refreshing change to the genre. Who wants to do Omaha beach again? Instead you’ll be pitted against the world’s players online in battles that only Pookie-the-history-major has ever heard of. But it’s not all the same stuff over and over again. The many battles provide a nice variety of game styles ranging from armor battles to tight, narrow, guns-blazing city fights to open farmland struggles for the barn. Livestock deserve freedom from Nazi rule, too.

For those that haven’t seen the X-play review, the catch is definitely the realism factor. There is not a single HUD crosshair in sight, reloading takes anywhere from 4 seconds to 20 seconds, there is no indicator telling how many bullets are left in your clip, and the Russians really do stink to high heaven. I can’t thank the developers enough for getting Morgan so flustered with the lack of balance between fun and realism.♥♥♥

Shaken and on the Rocks

The only real drawback to this game is the learning curve. Imagine learning a flight simulator that doesn’t come with tutorials or a flight instructor. Sadly, that learning curve is a huge turn-off. For most freakin’ n00bs, it takes them 20 minutes just to figure out what their teammates look like. The next obstacle to overcome is realizing the default controls are shit. When you have to stop moving to reach across the keyboard and hit “i” just to look down the sights, you generally won’t survive to pull the trigger. With comfortably defined controls though, the pace picks up and creates some of the most intense moments in online gaming EVER. The attractive thing about going for realism is the intensity doesn’t have to be faked.

The last bit to learn on your way of becoming pro is that you need to work as a team. Though there’ll always be the camping sniper, there’ll always be the idiot that can’t find his way out of the spawn, and there’ll always be the Leroy Jenkins, you need a decent team to get anywhere. VoIP is great, as with any Steam game, and should be used to avoid friendly fire and coordinate attacks. Further, there is no radar showing friendly locations, just a crude map that only shows general landmarks (and of course you have to reach all the way across the keyboard to open this map by default).

Naked Pirates and Bearded Clams

So with lack of “fun,” steep learning curve, and idiot team, there has to be some saving grace, right? I was ready to give up on this game and declare it even worse than Battlefield 2 *ooh, burn and zing*, but then I played a tank centric battle and was instantly hooked. Exhilarating is the only word to describe the experience. Even if the tank shells ricochet more than statistics would show, nothing is more fun than totally owning an entire squadron of enemy tanks. The limits that realism places on your ability to survey the battlefield or to completely ninja somebody is the reason most people won’t like this game at first glance, but this is also the reason true strategists will love this game. And I don’t want to make Morgan to look bad, but X-play’s review of this game is way off. Once you realize how intense this game can be, you become much more open to having fun while playing it–no matter how the realism gets in the way. This is because you soon discover maps such as KonigsPlatz or guns such as the STG. And there is a wonderful balance between on-foot combat and tank combat that Battlefield 2 only wishes it could attain. So after looking beyond the interface problem, this is one of the best experiences for multiplayer shooters.

Last Call

I wouldn’t go as far to say that this is a niche market game because everyone loves a fun game–it just takes some patience and a reworking of the default controls. Once you’ve learned the intricacies of it though, it makes for a wonderful time. Looking through the scope of one of these sniper rifles to stop an entire wave of enemies short of their goal is fun and functional, especially if one of them is cocky and thinks he’s safe looking through is little viewport on his tank. Or if you still don’t find it entertaining, take a few shots of Russian vodka before taking shots at the Nazis like I did for this review… you’ll definitely be having fun then. Red Orchestra Ostfront 41-25 verges on a four, but due to the high learning curve, I can only give it 3 Nazi-killing-shots-of-vodka out of 5.

What, another first person shooter? Come on King, have some creativity. Oh wait, I’m King. So screw you, I like first person shooters. And this one just happens to be one of the best FPS games to on PC since the original Half Life and before the second Half Life. You could almost say it’s the middle child of two greats, and it’s pretty damn great itself. Although the plot isn’t terribly sensible, it’s fairly obvious that the game makers were trying ...]]>

Ninjas in paradise

What, another first person shooter? Come on King, have some creativity. Oh wait, I’m King. So screw you, I like first person shooters. And this one just happens to be one of the best FPS games to on PC since the original Half Life and before the second Half Life. You could almost say it’s the middle child of two greats, and it’s pretty damn great itself. Although the plot isn’t terribly sensible, it’s fairly obvious that the game makers were trying to make the game seem more like a big budget action movie with you as the main character. And in that they succeeded, the game does make you feel like you’re the head honcho of some poorly developed movie with great action.

You play as the character Jack Carver, a “wrong time wrong place” kind of guy with a penchant for Hawaiian shirts and killing things. You are hired to drive this chick around some pacific island chain in your boat, until you are attacked and stranded on an island full of mercenaries who all want the same thing: you, dead. You then find yourself jammed into helping save the chick you were boating around, and killing every mercenary and strange creature that just happens to get in your way. Like I mentioned, the plot is not all that creative or even different, but it really works for the theme of the game and actually adds a sense of purpose to the brutal killing.

One of the greatest things about this game is the graphics. You actually fight in the jungle. Not really any set paths, you just kind of wander around in the jungle through the flora and fauna, and the water in this game is beyond stunning. Even with my computer set on low for the water, it looks so realistic you can actually believe you were there. The only complaint with the graphics is the character animation, which seems a bit on the overdone side. The island chain that you get to explore has just about everything you would want from this game: you get to wander in the jungle, jump off cliffs, jump off of waterfalls, boat around the picturesque water and beaches, climb mountains to penetrate WWII bunkers, even the final scene in the game is a giant volcano, which is extremely well made and believable.

The game also handles excellently. The controls are easy to use and sensible, although I did change a few around to what I usually use. I’m sure I could have used the default controls happily without too much grief. There is a stealth gauge on your heads up display allowing you to be ninja and sneak around in the jungle stalking your opponents, and doing such sneaking is very effective. You can crouch, go prone, sprint, whatever you need to do to be ninja, or you also can skip the ninja crap and just go in head first, guns blazing. This also handles fantastic and just the way it should. The game actually seems designed to handle both ninjas and rambos, and it accomplishes it quite well.

As for the enemy A.I., it’s very obvious that the game makers spent some time making the mercenaries act like they would in real life. They hide, they run from cover to cover; they sprint at you and everything. They really act like you would expect from years of training and bloodlust. Or something. But, it feels right. You don’t go through the game thinking “stupid A.I., you should be able to do that!” in all reality it seems more like “stupid A.I., he doesn’t even know he’s about to be killed with a machete…” and I really like that. When an enemy spots you but isn’t sure, they exclaim “did you here that?” or something to that effect. All in all, the enemy A.I. really enhances the experience of the game by being exactly the way it should be.

The friendly A.I. (what little there is), however, isn’t as perfect. When you finally get to a point where they’re shooting alongside you, their stupidity reigns. They jump in the way, go charging when you try to be ninja, or don’t attack when you’re trying to be a rambo. It’s obnoxious, but there are precious few friendlies in the game, so the fact that the A.I. is a bit underdeveloped here does not detract from the overall quality of the game.

So, whether you’re in the mood for a great FPS or sneaking around in the jungle like a ninja, this game satisfies everything you’d want. This game truly is great, it’s got points that scare the fuck out of you, and points that are just flat fun. You drive vehicles; shoot down helicopters, and much, much more. This game has just about everything you want, including nearly unlimited replayability thanks to the many different ways you can do each level. Like I mentioned before, this game’s only real handicaps are the poor character animation in cut scenes and the retarded friendly A.I. But it also has another drawback you should be aware of: glitchiness. Get ready to be slightly annoyed at the ladders, or simply dumbfounding moments. But once again, it’s very easy to overlook these glitches for the overall quality of this excellent FPS. I give Far Cry 4 Hawaiian shirt clad ninja wanabes out of 5.

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Only the dead have seen the end of war. The game industry hasn’t even been looking for the end. We will always have an abundant supply of war games. This time around, it is yet another World War II game: Call of Duty. Is this the game to end all other WWII games? Well, it’s definitely a great game, but no one can stop the war machine from chugging along.

Join the Army, See the World, Meet ...]]> More war at amplizine. We just can’t escape it.

Only the dead have seen the end of war. The game industry hasn’t even been looking for the end. We will always have an abundant supply of war games. This time around, it is yet another World War II game: Call of Duty. Is this the game to end all other WWII games? Well, it’s definitely a great game, but no one can stop the war machine from chugging along.

Join the Army, See the World, Meet Interesting People, Kill Them

You play as a number of soldiers in the Allied armies, fighting the forces of evil in the European theater. Prepare for missions through dangerous enemy territory taking out artillery, nabbing secret documents, infiltrating Nazi warships, defending Stalingrad, and racing for Berlin. I so get tired of repeating this stuff. How can you not know what a World War II game is about? Ever try reading a history book? You know… those things with sheets of paper in them?

Well, it’s no longer the most unique storyline, but that won’t keep you from having a good time in this shooter. Gameplay is so well balanced that you never get tired of doing what you are doing–you don’t just run from point to point shooting everything that moves. One moment, you’ll be making your way through war-torn houses, and then you soon find yourself under fire crawling through trenches. Just when that starts to seem a little drab, the game stays on top of it and changes to something new. This makes a game chocked full of memorable moments such as the car chase or your escape through the bulkheads and passageways of the battleship–but that doesn’t mean it’s simply a collection of high-action moments thrown together. The progression of events and the way Call of Duty involves you in them is nearly flawless, and that alone raises the rating to high marks.

The Technology of War

The graphics and sound design, though they are showing their age these days, are well done but not stunning. It’s kind of unfair to compare Call of Duty to its sequel, but because of the timing of our reviews, it can’t be helped. The graphics, I have no problem with seeing as how technology changes so fast with regard to them, but the audio design I feel comfortable with pointing out. Compared to Call of Duty 2, the audio here sounds flat and not nearly as sophisticated. All too often the importance of audio design is overlooked, and these two games are great examples. Call of Duty doesn’t create the same kind of moving atmosphere that 2 tries for, and I believe it is solely because of the sound’s flatness. Thankfully, Call of Duty is such a great experience gameplay-wise that the lack of perfection in the audio design isn’t even a problem. I’d only have to punish the game if it thought it could get away with just beeps and boops. But there are some cool, big names for voice actors in this game, namely Jason Statham and Giovanni Ribisi. Bonus points for that.

Making Friends Through War

There is a rather decent multiplayer in Call of Duty as well. I honestly don’t play it, but from what I’ve seen, it is popular and fun enough for people to be playing it 3 years later. Plus, I’ve seen many entertaining battles on Arena when G4 was still concerned with video games, so it can’t be all bad. But just as with Call of Duty 2, I want to rate this game based solely on its singleplayer experience. The fun enough multiplayer is just a bonus.

Make the Other Bastard Die for His Country

If you somehow avoided the hundreds of WWII games that have come out since 1995 and suddenly gained an interest in the genre, then this is the place to start. It is a fully rounded and fun shooter that should only be missed if you’ve got a World War II game hangover. I have no problem rewarding Call of Duty with our highest marks and giving it a 5 out of 5.

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So the other day I got this call… it was Duty, again. He was saying I had to go fight in some war they’re calling dubya dubya 2. I said, “You’re crazy! I already shot those damn Nazis so many times before. How do they keep coming back?” But I never got an answer because that asshole hung up on me. I sat there for a minute thinking of what ...]]> Duty needs to learn to stop calling all the time or just leave a message.

So the other day I got this call… it was Duty, again. He was saying I had to go fight in some war they’re calling dubya dubya 2. I said, “You’re crazy! I already shot those damn Nazis so many times before. How do they keep coming back?” But I never got an answer because that asshole hung up on me. I sat there for a minute thinking of what I should do. Eventually, I wistfully started to put on my ass-kicking boots, grabbed my Thompson, and headed for the door.

Frag the weak, hurdle the dead

The Greatest Generation is once again in the fight for justice, morality, and their very lives in Call of Duty 2. Just as in the previous CoD, you play as everyday soldiers in the British, Russian, and American armies in the European theater against the Nazis. I wonder what my lifetime Nazi killcount is up to by now–I mean I’ve been killing Nazis since B-17 Bomber back on Intellivision.  A tenth of a million sounds close enough.

If you’ve played any WW2 game… no wait, if you’ve even heard of WW2, you can pretty much predict what kinds of things you’ll see in CoD2. Assaulting this bunker, defending this position, calling in artillery, and jumping on a mounted machine gun are the typical situations you’ll find yourself in. But there are a few special segments that interrupt the run-of-the-mill stuff, such as commanding a tank or manning an AA gun. You’ll win the war with the two guns you are allowed to carry, but you’ll also find yourself occasionally switching them out for the weapons scattered on the battlefield as things get hairy. And you’ll never be alone in the struggle as friendly squads are everywhere supporting you.

Where’s the beef?

If Call of Duty is considered the first perfect World War 2 shooter, what can they possibly do for a sequel? I mean we’ve seen every mission and locale already from the hundreds of other games, and they weren’t all bad. The WW2 game cash cow’s teats have got to be chafing and sore by now.

Well fear not (or at least not too much), Call of Duty 2 delivers when it comes to a unique experience. Though it isn’t original, nearly everything about it is extremely well done. Mmmmm, well done cash cow… From the sound of Messerschmitts and P-51s roaring overhead, to the adrenaline rush you get when taking cover from a hidden MG nest, you will be completely immersed in this game.

Is it hot enough for ya?

The graphics, though sluggish at times and not entirely tweaked, can be breathtaking. Even the smoke looks like they spent at least a week crafting it. The audio design is spectacular and adds more to the experience than anything else. Battlefield 2 should be ashamed of itself after hearing this game’s sound (I said I’d never let that game forget). And then the scripted sequences are perfectly planned and well executed. The tanks rolling overhead with you in the trench immediately below them is suspenseful, but crawling through the pipes when stray fire pierces the metal all around you is even more dramatic.

New gameplay changes really help create such a powerful atmosphere. Long gone are the days of searching for medpacs because you no longer have a health meter. CoD2 takes more of a Halo approach by not allowing you to take too many hits in a short time. This allows you to focus more on the battle and never leaves you in a difficult spot with only a sliver of health. Plus, those damn Nazis can be quite fierce, making you play smart rather than Rambo-ing it. Smoke grenades and cover are your best friends (especially the dead cow variety of cover), so tactics are emphasized.

Now for the dirty of the so called “dozen”

Who programmed this fucking A.I.? The enemy seems to think you are a general, and your friendlies must think you have blanks in your cartridge. What happened to “no one soldier wins a war,” or “there’s no I in team?” Don’t expect to be able to run in the open–even if you bait the Nazis with friendlies–because they always drop everything to shoot at little ol’ you. A battalion could be between you and the enemy, but they’ll bother to shoot at you first. So when you get a chance to return fire, you are determined to make them count. Nope, Pvt. Dickweed thinks it’s more important for him to get a look than it is for you to shoot the guy he wants to see. It never fails, too. Just as you are about to take a shot, some goofus gets in the way. I’m normally good with ff, but because of your generally limited point of view looking down the sights, and the massive part of the screen that it takes, you don’t have any warning for the impending stupidity. And if that isn’t the problem, they certainly will get right behind you, eliminating the possiblity of a quick escape. I find this problem is easily remedied by a swift rifle butt to the face.

Play against anyone in the world in World War II

Yeah, there is a multiplayer mode, but this is clearly a singleplayer game. What? Why do you care so much? Fine, I’ll talk about it if it will appease you. You pick up some guns, shoot each other, and repeat. What? You want more? Fine, there are Deathmatch, Team Deathmatch, Capture the Flag, Headquarters, and Search & Destroy modes. But I’m honestly not rating this game with multiplayer in mind. “It’s no CS” says it all.

So who wins?

*SPOILER ALERT* In a surprise twist, the Nazis win at the end. Okay, that’s an outright lie. The developers win for creating a great game, and Activision definitely wins for making more money, but I don’t know if the gamers win. I don’t think we need more WW2 games right now. In fact, I think I’ve got WW2 game bulimia. But then again, the only downfall to this game, other than the bingeing, is the annoying A.I. (I swear it’s taunting me).

Bottom line: CoD2 is an excellent game worthy of praise. The experience it provides is amazing and unforgettable. People that have never played such a great game should start here, but people that have played other WW2 games might be disappointed by it. We’ve seen and done it all before and would rather play some other multiplayer game. Only the gamers that can’t get enough of the WW2 shooters will fully enjoy this title.

4 beef cakes out of 5

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Who loves to shoot Nazis? Hmm? That’s right; everyone on this green earth who isn’t a Nazi likes to shoot Nazis. Perhaps that is one reason why this game is so freaking awesome. Perhaps it also helps that you play as a wide variety of different soldiers, from British to American to Soviet (sorry, no German, although you do get to impersonate one for a while). Or maybe it’s the weapons. There seems to be ...]]>

No cows were harmed in the making of this game

Who loves to shoot Nazis? Hmm? That’s right; everyone on this green earth who isn’t a Nazi likes to shoot Nazis. Perhaps that is one reason why this game is so freaking awesome. Perhaps it also helps that you play as a wide variety of different soldiers, from British to American to Soviet (sorry, no German, although you do get to impersonate one for a while). Or maybe it’s the weapons. There seems to be more than enough weapons to keep you entertained and plenty to splatter some Nazi brain matter on the walls. And the Nazis just keep on comin’. It don’t get much better than that. Unless you can snag two Nazis in one beautifully placed sniper shot, that might be better. But this game offers all that and more.

The graphics in this game are excellent, even for a game already two years old; you can easily find yourself drawn into the game and barely even notice the beings you are slaughtering are only AI. Enemy character animation is also very good, they lean around corners and look intent on killing you, they run when they should and hide when they should and look proper doing it. In fact, the enemy characters look very convincing, you can hardly see any blocky forms in them, and you have to be damn close to see that. There are also several different enemy character models, so you really don’t feel like you’re just killing the same dude over and over. However, the faces are all the same, so it loses its convincing effects after a short time, but who cares? You’re just going to shoot them directly in the face anyway. What does it matter if it looks the same? The friendly animation is not as impressive, although each face looks different and everyone has a different name, they often look like retards bounding around in the fields, the movements seem extremely ungainly. As for the environments, the only thing bad I have to say is about the water. It looks like they took a small pattern for the water and just repeated it over and over, you can actually see the water pattern repeating, and that’s just not right. But all other textures and patterns in the game are fantastic, and once again, you barely even notice that it’s not real. Even the dead cows look pretty damn good. You know, for a dead cow.

The AI in this game was supposed to be extremely advanced, at least according to LilPickle, but I can tell you I found nothing but disappointment in the AI. The enemy AI seems to have a knack for knowing exactly where you are and shooting only at you, no matter how many other soldiers there are to shoot, no matter how well you are hidden, no matter how many ninjas you T-bagged, and no matter how much cheetah blood you drank this morning. And that really pisses me off. One of the taglines for this game is “no war is won by just one man” or something. But if that were true, then why does the enemy AI instinctively know to fire directly at you? That doesn’t make much sense to me. This seems to apply even when you go into ninja mode and try and sneak around the back of the enemy, they always turn and shoot you, even if you are prone on the ground and moving slow to make no noise. They always know right where you are. But otherwise it’s not too bad, the enemies do try to duck and hide, they run and dive and crouch and everything. Hell, if you get close enough to them they’ll actually strike you with the butt of their gun. It’s just the way they shoot that really pisses me off. As for the friendly AI, get ready to get irritated. Just when you’re about to snap off this awesome sniper shot at the unsuspecting enemy, one of your friendlies just happens to jump directly in front of your shot, and you unwittingly shoot him directly in the face. And then you’re all like what the fuck? But it doesn’t matter, because the Nazi you were supposed to shoot then manages to kill you while you slam the next shell into the rifle. And that concludes my main complaint with this game. Stupid AI.

The missions in this game are all very good, and they mostly get harder as you go along, although some tend to be easier as long as you have some skill with a sniper rifle. However, not all of the episodes are the same length, nor do they get longer the later the game gets. It kind of skips around a bit and seems a little unorganized the way its setup. But, that’s only a minor detail and I can easily overlook it for the extremely high quality of the rest of the game. Missions range from the typical runs of bridges and rescue, to the non-typical run of Stalingrad and sabotage of Nazi boats.

One other thing that really drove me nuts in this game was the controls. They are very non-typical for a first person shooter, which was irritating at first, but after a while it actually becomes much easier to use than you might think. Otherwise, the game handled very well, I never once experienced lag, and only once got irreversibly stuck. The movements seem realistic and well planned; you move fast when you walk and slow when you crouch or go prone. And the speed at which you move in each of those positions feels excellent and just the way it should. Bullets inflict the proper amount of damage on the enemy, and occasionally on you. Overall, the game feels and handles just the way you’d expect from World War II game, and it really helps to add to the feel.

What little multiplayer I actually attempted handled just as good as the rest of the singleplayer game, but I’m just too much of a noob to do any good against those types of people, so I didn’t try for very long. However, it handled well even on my low budget 3 year old machine… so, no complaints here.

So, aside from irritating AI both friendly and enemy, and the lumbering movements of friendly soldiers, this game is excellent. It is so easy to get the hang of, is very challenging and is wonderfully animated. It really feels like a WWII game should, and I have played enough WWII games to know. Call of Duty scores excellently under almost all regards and the few places where it does not score well are easily overlooked for the otherwise excellent quality of this game. So, all in all, I give Call of Duty a shining

4 splattered Nazis and dead cows out of 5

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Others stand out in a negative way for how bad they really were.

Since they’ve released Special Forces, I haven’t wanted to play any more of this messed up game. What good are new maps, new vehicles, and special guns when all on-foot combat sucks, controls are glitchy and laggy, and no one is willing to play the new maps with the new vehicles? Then their European Forces booster came out… *yawn*. Then Armored Fury was next, and I couldn’t help but wonder if people cared ...]]> How stupid are you LilPickle? Did you forget how the Special Forces review went?

Since they’ve released Special Forces, I haven’t wanted to play any more of this messed up game. What good are new maps, new vehicles, and special guns when all on-foot combat sucks, controls are glitchy and laggy, and no one is willing to play the new maps with the new vehicles? Then their European Forces booster came out… *yawn*. Then Armored Fury was next, and I couldn’t help but wonder if people cared at all? I know I didn’t, that is until I saw a picture with my all time favorite AH-6 Littlebird from 1942’s Desertcombat mod! After putting on some new pants, I immediately purchased this booster pack and haven’t stopped playing since.

Boonsion/Expanster pack

Booster packs make so much more sense than expansion packs, because expansion packs will only divide the players. The only difference between them in this case is the expansion pack provided new exclusive guns. Sure, Special Forces also claims to provide new gameplay, but I recall giving that a 1 out of 5. And considering the $20 price difference between Armored Fury and Special Forces, it’s like EA and DICE are acknowledging all you’re paying for are the exclusive guns when you buy Special Forces–which I want to make perfectly clear once again, NO ONE SHOULD EVER DO.

The re-introduction of reason

So ten dollars for new maps and new vehicles? That sounds perfectly reasonable. I still think it should be free, but at least this way more people are willing to purchase it. That means the new maps and vehicles are actually played! All of the maps take place in America this time, bringing a fresh breath of air to the tired old environments we’re used to playing in. You’ll be fighting in the mountains in Alaska at night, or around an interstate intersection with truckstops, or right through a Quaker’s living room in Pennsylvannia. It puts a smile on my face! I just wish there was a Honolulu map…

I gonna need some orange, yellow, and brown paint, Tom Selleck, and a tropical island

The new vehicles are the A-10, the Littlebird, the SU-39, the Chinese Fantan Q-5, and two other helis that only wish they were as cool as the Littlebird. Oh, and there are also tractor-trailers on the Operation Road Rage map. No mounted guns on those, sadly. Zipping around in the Littlebird is all I could have asked of this booster pack though, and it is such sweet bliss! It feels great to be behind the stick on that thing, and I laugh at you people that can’t fly the helis. You are SO missing out on bunches of fun. They gave the thing miniguns, thankfully, but also the unique ability to function as a UAV all the time! The Littlebird alone adds more unique tactics and teamwork than all of Special Forces claimed to do. But leave it to DICE to try and “balance” everything. I completely understand they didn’t want the Littlebird to be too powerful (because I’d end every round with 200 points otherwise), but they could’ve treated the miniguns differently. Rather than slightly dropping the power of each bullet, they dropped the firing rate so you only shoot like 4 rounds a second… that’s 2 bullets from each minigun per second and the two guns alternate. I want that thing to be spraying hot lead so fast that I’ll empty them if I’m not careful! And I want the sound that would accompany that! This is always the one most disappointing thing about BF2–the sound design.

4th time’s the charm, right?

As I’ve mentioned, on-foot combat never will be as good as other games, but those games don’t allow for vehicles on the scale this game does. I think it’s a great idea to have such a complete battlefield, but DICE needs to rethink all of their balancing that goes with it. I really enjoy this booster pack, and the name explains why. It emphasizes vehicle combat instead of troop combat. And the new maps are a welcome change from Karkand all the time. Armored Fury heroically revives BF2 till the next installment is released. Being their 4th package to come out, it’s about time one of them receive a 4 out of 5. Now I have to go buzz around in my Littlebird while I crank the Magnum P.I. theme song.

Welcome, gracious readers to my first review of a video game. And we shall start with perhaps the grandest PC game to be released in quite some time: Half Life 2. After long bated breath and wishing I wasn’t poor, I eventually acquired this game (Thanks Aaron) some 6 months after it had been released. As I finally get around to the review, it’s more than a year after ...]]> The most kick-ass physicist since Stephen Hawking returns to take it to the man; G-man that is.

Welcome, gracious readers to my first review of a video game. And we shall start with perhaps the grandest PC game to be released in quite some time: Half Life 2. After long bated breath and wishing I wasn’t poor, I eventually acquired this game (Thanks Aaron) some 6 months after it had been released. As I finally get around to the review, it’s more than a year after it’s release. But, nonetheless, if you don’t already own this game and you claim to be a “gamer” then you should go out and buy it right now. In case you couldn’t tell (what are you retarded?) this is the sequel to arguably the greatest PC game of all time: Half-Life. And this sequel does not disappoint.

Valve built an all new engine to power this game, and the graphics really show it. Every skin in the game is as close to real as I could imagine a game being, if not better. Throughout the game, I was stunned repeatedly by the extreme attention to detail that was given to the graphics. And although I am sure there are flaws in the game, my first play-through did not reveal any to me. The second time through, however, I noticed a few small glitches (mostly caused by me not doing what I’m supposed to of course) and even those glitches were more than small enough for me to simply ignore. From panoramic views to vetilation shafts, the graphics really are revolutionary. Even if your machine is not completely able to handle the graphics, the boys at Valve ingeniously kept what you needed to see in the screen, and clipped out unnecessary items. So if your computer sucks (like mine) you’ll still be able to murder and maim without hinderance.

This game really handles excellently as well, it’s very easy to get lost in the game and not even remember that you’re just playing a game. It really handles like all games should. The movements are crisp and very precise, helping seat you into Gordan Freeman’s shoes. The weapons are fairly believable, and your enemies fall with a proper amount of force. Plus the ragdoll characteristics that the corpses take makes it extra fun to nab a headshot. As a bonus over Half-Life, you can actually operate vehicles that aren’t mounted on a rail. Granted you only really get to drive a few vehicles, but it’s very nice to be able to move about as you like and not to be stuck on a track able only to accelerate and slow your craft. So in that regard, this game really is an improvement over the original. Plus, the dune buggy sounds like a small block Chevy, and that makes me super horny. But I digress.

The only real problem that I have with this game is the mood. Yeah, the G-man is present and quite prominant, and you even get to spend some time with characters from Black Mesa that were in the original Half-Life. But the sequel just doesn’t feel like Half-Life did. The plot really didn’t seem like you were fighting for freedom from aliens and grunts while trapped in the labs. It really felt more like you are on a one man vigilante attack against all things evil in the world. It almost seemed more fitting of a James Bond game than Half-Life. And you spend the whole game fighting men, and get to kill hardly any aliens, which is quite the disapointment. I really wanted this game to be like an extension of the original, with better graphics and drastically improved gameplay. Although I was not disappointed in regards to graphics and gameplay, I just really hated that it didn’t feel like Half-Life. In the original, there were countless puzzles and riddles you had to solve in order to progress, but in Half-Life 2, the puzzles are far too easy and I just never really got stumped. This was fairly saddening to me, because I’m not that smart of a guy and I really enjoyed getting stumped by the original.

The enemies in this game, however disappointing that they’re not aliens, are excellently built and quite intellegent. In the original, it was fairly easy to outsmart the AI, but not so here. I actually feel hunted in some places, which is almost refreshing (while creepy). Even the spawn points for the enemies feels realistic in most places, which really is an improvment over the original, where if you watch closely you can see exactly where to stand in order to spawn in the head-crabs and what not. Enemies get harder the farther you progress, which is becoming typical for first person shooters, but it fit what I was looking for. As an added bonus, when nearing the end of the game, you get to command some of the rebel troops, and they follow you like idiots and take all the bullets so you don’t have to. But the friendly AI seems like a last minute addition to the game and might need just a little more development to run perfectly. Plus, you don’t get troops for very long, so there’s really not much to mention about it.

All in all, this game is beyond excellent. The graphics rock, the enemies are believable, the gameplay is great and even the music is bad ass (even if there seems to be a shortage of it…) and I can’t stay mad at this game for not feeling like the Half-Life, but due to this I simply can’t give it 5 stars. Maybe if they had slapped a different name on it instead of Half Life 2, like Half-Life: Apocalypse or Half-Life: Aftermath or Half-Life with a Vengance or something I could have got on board with the feel the way they had it. But slapping it with that magic number 2 and then making if feel completely different? Sorry, but I just didn’t like that. Otherwise, the game is great. Anyone who thinks themselves to be a gamer needs to have this in the arsenal, and since it’s part of Steam it’s exceptionally easy to purchase, install, and play without going out into the evil sunlight.

4 Annoying head-crabs out of 5

Finally, an episode that doesn’t suck like Star Wars Episode II, is more exciting than an episode of Matlock, and just as crazy as that one episode you had when you found out the kid you’ve been raising for the past 10 years wasn’t actually yours. Don’t worry, this one game might just make you forget about the whole incident–it’s that good.

Picking up right at the end of Half-Life 2, Episode One throws the story into overdrive as you and Alyx and Dog go on the mission to ...]]> Episodes invade!

Finally, an episode that doesn’t suck like Star Wars Episode II, is more exciting than an episode of Matlock, and just as crazy as that one episode you had when you found out the kid you’ve been raising for the past 10 years wasn’t actually yours. Don’t worry, this one game might just make you forget about the whole incident–it’s that good.

Picking up right at the end of Half-Life 2, Episode One throws the story into overdrive as you and Alyx and Dog go on the mission to slow the Citadel’s dark energy core explosion. I think this is story-telling in a game at its finest. Too often the creative process is rushed and mediocre content is pushed out. Even Half-Life 2 can be accused of this. But it seems when the people at Valve aren’t developing engines and getting hacked, they have time to do much better. This episode successfully sends the player through a variety of atmospheres and moods (focusing on horror, but also allowing emotion and humor). Thankfully, the scripted sequences Half-Life was famous for have increased in quality dramatically. Characters have convincingly developed, and even the acting is great. I got so immersed in the story that I couldn’t believe it when it was over. Leaving people wanting more is definitely good, unless it’s Matlock.

Gameplay can’t get better until technology allows for convincing virtual reality. I can’t express enough how perfect the controls are and how well everything handles. There are no soap-box-car strings attached or screaming monkeys here (I’m looking at you Battlefield 2). Every FPS needs to have controls like these. But we all know it isn’t just about the shooting, we need brain food too. Let me put it like this: remember American Gladiators? the one with the mullets, yeah. Remember the game where the contender had to run under fire to get to the next weapon to return fire on the Gladiator? Imagine doing that where the Gladiator is a Combine sniper, your air-powered rocket is now a reprogrammed rolling mine/gravity gun combo, and there are no points for just running to the end of the course. And if you still have that mullet, cut it now. Basically, Valve doesn’t cease to amaze me with their physics puzzles, teamwork with friendly AI and changing combat tactics. It is SO fun when Alyx is fighting alongside you as you attempt to fight off the antlions, combine and zombine all at the same time.

Technically, this game is really advanced. Valve’s HDR is in full effect and looks amazing (I hope you have a good computer). Perhaps my favorite improvement in Episode One is the soundtrack. HL2’s music was good, but there wasn’t enough of it. This time around, all I can say is wow. This stuff is better and more focused for each situation. I can’t find the music in mp3 format fast enough.

I should also note that Half-Life 2 isn’t a requirement for this game to work. Maybe it’ll finally convince you to buy HL2 if you buy the 20 bucks cheap condensed Episode One. Maybe Star Wars Episode 2 is actually the best of all of the movies. Maybe the Pope DOES shit in the woods. Maybe you’ll stop spending all your money on some other guy’s kid and buy the best FPS games ever created. WHY ARE YOU WAITING? This sentence is only keeping you from buying HL2 or Episode One!  5 strained episode references out of 5.